It's messed up

I feel helpless.


Life is and always will be complicated, it will never ever help you to get something right away. Your whole life will turn so many circles and have some many ways down the mountain you shouldn't even start counting.

Once you fall in love, everything becomes more and more tragic. You start thinking. You start to worry. And suddenly it's there. You start to question. You start to take things serious you never ever thought of before.

Your daily life gets messed up. It's like riding a rollercoaster with your eyes closed, you never now where a tough corner might hit you.



So I do worry a lot.

So I am me.

So I am here and she's there.

This thing is taking so much energy I feel like I am and old windmill in Don Quijote.

All I know is that october will be a tough one.



I don't like me like that. Too much worries. Although I really enjoy my days I put to much work in thinking of possibilities, opportunities and failure.

Never ever have I (damn, what a nice game :) ) ever had so much feelings and tried to put so much effort in someone that I've only known for such a short period of time. I think that's the reason why I worry so much about it, about the consequences and about what could be but mostly about what I could lose.

Tough break. Honestly this can only be a thing I try to hard and fuck up. (I know but that's just ten times better than getting my hopes up ;) )


I'm thankful that I get some time out of town for tomorrow and today and hopefully I will find some time to think and reconsider, reorganise and reschedule my love-life (nice :) )


Have a beautiful weekend and never ever worry about me.


btw: Don't know if I will be online on sunday, at the moment I'm in the mood for a long walk ;)