I've never taken too much interest in the world and the (w)hole thing with politics and media.

I know you should be concerned about a lot of stuff that is going on. But in a way I sometimes just don't care. This is ignorant you might say, but I have to tell you that I stopped thinking that I could change the world years ago.

My life has meaning, I'm sure of this, but I will never be someone big. I try to be the best for my surrounding and I give my best for everyone I care about.

I'm far away from perfect. Even I am not satisfied with the way I am. But, and I think this is the most important part:

You have to care all the time.


Don't stop working.






Why I wrote this?

Well because I just wanted to :)

It goes way back. The day we met was so long ago. But still you amaze me. Do me a favor and take care of yourself. Don't beat yourself up. Lead your life the way you want to and take your time for yourself.
Sometimes even you should see that you take some things to much for granted.

I know you will always laugh at this, but I'm proud of you. And the most important part of it: I'm not the only one.

Thank you for coming into my life. And mostly for staying.

Now give me a hug and a postal address.

What if I smile?

What if it is because of you?

What if, all of the sudden I got over her?

What if you give me a good time?

What if I do care too much about you?

What if this is the way it should be?


It hit me a couple of hours ago, it hit me really hard. I felt like it in the last couple of days. I feared it. But still it felt good. Knowing that I actually can met a person who can mean much to me.

And makes me forget about the times I properly spent wasting for someone else.

I still think of these old "what if's" but you help me a lot. I know it sounds strange, but I don't need to be somebody else around you. I don't feel the need to be better to impress you.

All I do is care for you being there.

I hope for this friendship to grow. For a start this is all I really want. From that we'll see.

Somewhere in some place.

You grow upon yourself.

You show grace.

You deserve better.

Let me tell you one thing: Smile. For every day, never forget to smile.

I apologize.

This is hard to say.

I apologize for a decision I made more than 3 years ago.


I could have done it differently.

I regret it. I've always been regreting it.

That day, something in me just didn't kept on living. I made it stop.

I want it back.

You make decisions you can never take back. You try to live life without mistakes. Yet you do them everyday. Some of them are big, some of them are small.

I'm sad.

Sad how I turned out. How I wasted so many chances. So many things I could have achieved by now. I have been high. I have been at a state where I could have just keep on going and just be the me I was. But than I made steps backwards, not forward.


There's darkness, and then there's light. For each one that dies, there's a new life beginning.

Damn, why is it that all the time when you need something to work it just doesn't.


I want to talk to people...


but I guess I keep on listening to myself...

Friends

An absolute treasure, something I always appreciated a lot. Spending time with the people you love is the best medicine.


I can't tell you why it makes me so happy, I just know it does. It gives me a smile everytime I think of it. I've been surprised. You have always been my little sister and suddenly all this seems so yesterday and you seemed so grown away from what I've known.

But than I realised that I was wrong.

This is you. This is who you are. You are my little sun. You are the one I can depend on. You never let me down. You never judge me wrong. You stayed with me. You've always remembered my name. You never stopped caring. This is you. This is who you are. You made decissions I know you could do. You grew so far. You stood by me in rainy days. You never changed. You always listened to what I said. This is you. This is who you are. You stepped further than anybody else. You took chances. You never regret. You moved in a direction I always know you deserve.


I was stunned. I stumbled. I worried a little bit.

My thoughts were running. I think I know now why I reacted like this. It was a feeling of happyness and satisfaction in one and there was fear. But than I saw it all clearly. I saw your happiness. I saw how this is the thing you should get. Something noone can buy, something that could only be giving out by someone special.

Someone you met.

You know I love you from the button of my heart. I will never be far away. Watch out for me.


Smile, my little dark angel.

Wednesday night

No, wait thursday night. I get a text message. An invatation to a "fare-well-party" for an apartment. Something I never expected.

And something I screwed up. I was way over normal status, way to active. I wasn't me.

I thought I could change this, but here I stand, here I fall. I apologised. Not for being drunk. But for just being just an idiot.


4 months and still I can't get it straight :P

Maybe the right way is really to say goodbye and let it be, even though my heart can't say it right now.


I'll wait until next year...

Hello

it's me. Just about to say "Goodbye" I won't be available til, I'm not sure, maybe next week. It's another step to be more responsible and to grow up, but mostly the reason is her.


She's driving me nuts.

So is this how it works?

I write.

You wait.

I get confused.

You wait.

I go crazy.

You wait.

I get mad.

You wait.

I get worried.

You wait.

I can't sleep.


Okay, if it seemed to you that I played tricks, than I am sorry, I never meant to. I was only scared. Scared of all. All I know is that this is hard, this is so cruel.

You know how long I waited, you know that I was here and that I take this serious.

Damn you strike me down.

This rollercoaster ride is so hard, I honestly don't know how long I can take this, but still I want you, you can't change this.